Hendrickje poured cold water over Rembrandt's art. Or was it the other way around?
Oil Paint Doesn't Wash Out
Hendrickje (Rembrandts Woman Bathing) Danusia Iwaszko
A Renaissance Angel Stephen Wilson
A Madonna and Child Alice Benson
Rembrandt van Rijn Marc Sausset
Leonardo da Vinci Roberto Trippini
Vincent van Gogh Mike Murphy
Andy Warhol Chesca & Friends
Director Valerie Lucas
Lighting design and technical Dominic Burnham
SCENE: ART GALLERY CAFETERIA
TWO TABLES AND CHAIRS. THE "PAINTINGS" AND "SELF-PORTRAITS" TABLES LIT SEPERATELY, BUT NEVER SIMULTANEOUSLY
LEONARDO PRESET AT "SELF-PORTRAITS" TABLE
OPENING MUSIC: PACHELBEL CANON (OR SIMILAR)
ANGEL AND MADONNA ENTER, SIT AT FRONT TABLE
ANGEL: (Improvise some art-critic-speak on some current issue) (cue wOrd) Derida.
Hendrickje: HOLDING HER SLIP UP, THIGH LEVEL. HER LEGS ARE DRIPPING WET. STAGGERING SLIGHTLY) Thank god that’s over for another day. All those people staring at you having to keep still, trying not to shiver. I don’t think I could have stood in that bath another minute.
Angel: (standing) Let me give you a hand. (takes her hand and helps her to a seat at his table.) You sit down here and I’ll get you something hot to drink. (puts two cups down on table)Tea or coffee?
Hendrickje: Can I be awkward and ask for chocolate, please. (Sits down, rubs legs with chemise to dry them.)
ANGEL LOOKS AT CUPS, CLASPS HANDS IN PRAYER, SMILES
Hendrickje: There’s nothing like a nice cup of chocolate when the gallery closes. (Shivering. Picks up cup, warms hands around it) Thanks. You’re an angel.
Rembrandt Enters. Leonardo picks up bottle. RAUCOUS CHEERS
Hendrickje: (looks up, starts to open her mouth as if to speak to him, but he walks to Leonardo’s table and sits down, his back to Hendrickje). (To Angel) That does it. I’ve had about all I can take from that Rembrandt.
Angel: Ah, but he’s such a wonderful artist. Working from within the constraints of the narrow Protestant ethos of 17th century Netherlands he displays an ethereal universality, a simple spirituality and a non-judgemental observation of his subjects. So sensitive in his timeless depiction of the human condition. (pulls a feather from his wing and a piece of paper from tunic, starts writing)
Hendrickje: Hey, I’m human. He’s not so sensitive to my condition. It’s this damned obsession with cleanliness. (stands up, does various exercises to get the circulation going in her legs) Christ, you live with a man, cook his food, warm his side of the bed, darn his socks. Then one day you wake up and find out that all he really wants is for you to stand around in water until you freeze to death.
PICTURES IN YOUR DREAMS HOME.